Last updated: August 2026

Read time: four minutes

It takes time and effort to make a will, but many people don’t take the important step of telling their family and loved ones what’s in it or why they made certain decisions. At the same time, adult children, other family and friends who may expect to benefit from a will are understandably reluctant to ask questions for fear of appearing mercenary or making the person uncomfortable.

The result is often at best, uncertainty and surprise, and at worst, a distressing and expensive legal dispute that could have been avoided through better communication. This can happen if people were expecting a particular outcome from a will and it hasn’t happened. For example, this could be if someone is left out of a will and feels this is unfair.

A conversation about a will need not involve sharing every detail. The good news is that simply discussing the basics can help avoid confusion and costly disputes later.

Why talking about a will can be difficult

You may feel that your finances are private. You may be wary of either causing family arguments or being pressured by loved ones to make decisions that suit them. You may feel uncomfortable talking about death, maybe for cultural reasons, or you expect your children to deal with such decisions when the time comes.

How much do you actually need to share?

There is no single right answer: choose the approach that works best for you and your family. You might be very open with your loved ones and tell them exactly who will inherit what. Even if you wish to keep the contents of your will private, that’s perfectly reasonable, but consider ensuring people know:

• that a will exists;
• where it is stored;
• who the executors are; and
• if you engaged a professional to write your will, such as a solicitor or will writer, who that was.

If you don’t feel comfortable discussing your decisions in detail, you could leave a separate letter explaining your reasoning. While it is not legally binding, it can help your family understand your wishes.

Explaining your decisions

Many family disputes arise not because of the decision itself but because nobody knows the reason behind it. You may wish to make gifts to charities, provide for a vulnerable family member, support a second spouse or protect a family business.

If you are able to discuss your decisions, such as the reasoning behind unequal gifts between children, it can prevent them spending a lot of time and money on legal challenges.

You might give less to a child who has received help buying a home, or more to another who has worked in a family business. People may not agree with every decision, but understanding the reasoning can reduce confusion and resentment.

Blended families

Divorces, second marriages and blended families often create challenges for will planning. For example, getting married or entering into a civil partnership revokes a will, and that can mean that stepchildren are left out of an inheritance that was intended for them. It’s another reason why it’s so important to have a will.

Family businesses

If you own and run a family business, your will can help set out your succession plan and clarify which level of responsibility you would like different family members to take on.

When to have a conversation

Talking about your will doesn’t need to be a one-off conversation. You could choose to talk about after you have updated it, after a major life event, such as remarriage or or retirement, or perhaps following the death or illness of another family member or friend.

It doesn’t need to be a long discussion and by talking about your wishes, you can give your loved ones peace of mind. You will also make it more likely that your estate is distributed the way you intend it to be, rather than being consumed by costly legal fees.

Getting professional advice

If you or a loved one would like professional guidance on wills or wider estate planning, a STEP-qualified trust and estate practitioner can help explain the options and ensure appropriate arrangements are put in place.

It is important to note that your will should be reviewed after major life events, such as marriage, divorce, the birth of children or grandchildren, or significant changes to your finances. If your family circumstances are complex for example, if you have a blended family, own a business or have vulnerable beneficiaries it is particularly important to seek professional advice so your wishes can be carried out effectively.

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