Last updated: August 2026

Read time: 4 minutes

Most of us find it difficult to talk about death, including what happens to our finances, possessions and personal affairs when we’re gone. As a result, discussions about wills are often delayed or avoided altogether.

Many adult children and family members worry that asking about a loved one’s will may be seen as an interest in inheritance. However, these conversations are often less about financial arrangements and more about understanding someone’s wishes and ensuring that important practical matters have been considered.

While these discussions can feel uncomfortable, approaching them sensitively can help avoid uncertainty and make things easier for everyone involved.

Focus on planning, not inheritance

One of the easiest ways to start the conversation is to focus on practical planning rather than financial arrangements.

Many people worry that asking about a will might seem as though they are interested in what they stand to inherit. To avoid this, make it clear that your concern is whether plans are in place, not who will receive what.

You might say:

• ‘I know these things aren’t always easy to talk about, but I’d feel reassured knowing you’ve got everything organised.’
• ‘I’ve seen how difficult it can be for families when nobody knows where important documents are kept.’
• ‘You don’t need to tell me what’s in your will, but have you made one and do the right people know where to find it?’

Approaching the subject in this way can help make the conversation feel supportive rather than intrusive.

Choose the right time

These conversations are often easier when they arise naturally, for example after a family bereavement, a friend dealing with the estate of a loved one, a house move or retirement.

Rather than making the discussion feel formal or urgent, try to raise it at a calm moment when there is time to talk openly and without pressure.

Ask practical questions

If the conversation develops, you could ask practical questions such as:

• whether they have made a will;
• whether the will is up to date;
• where the original will is kept;
• whether their executors know they have been appointed; and
• whether there is any information that would help the family carry out their wishes in the future.

These questions focus on helping someone ensure their wishes can be carried out, rather than on the contents of the will itself.

Respect personal boundaries

Some people are happy to discuss the details of their will, while others prefer to keep those arrangements private. That is entirely their choice.

The purpose of the conversation should be to understand how their affairs are organised and ensure their wishes can be followed, not to seek information about inheritances or financial decisions.

Talking about more than the will

If you have started a conversation and it feels appropriate to discuss other important arrangements, you could ask if the person has:

• lasting powers of attorney in place
• any particular funeral wishes
• important documents and contacts stored in a particular place
• any online or digital accounts, photos and subscriptions that they intend to pass on
• any arrangements related to pets.

Find out how to protect your digital memories for future generations

If something doesn’t seem right

Everyone has the right to make their own decisions about their will and who should benefit from their estate. However, if a conversation raises concerns that a vulnerable person may be under pressure or experiencing financial abuse, it is important to seek advice.

Being aware of what to look for when it comes to financial abuse can help you safeguard your loved ones. For example, these could all be signs of abuse, depending on the circumstances:

• sudden changes to a will that favour a new friend;
• someone being isolated from their family; or
• the giving of large gifts or loans that might put their financial security at risk.

Find out more about how to spot the signs of financial abuse

Getting professional advice

If you or a loved one would like professional guidance on wills, powers of attorney or wider estate planning, a STEP-qualified trust and estate practitioner can help explain the options and ensure appropriate arrangements are put in place.

Talk to a TEP to find an expert near you.